These words that try to kill me.

I'm being strangled. I'm being killed by the words that choke me. I have so much to say, if they'll give me the chance, but my air gets exhausted through struggling.

I'm fighting memories. When I relax then the blackness consumes me. Here my thoughts become numb through the suppression of blood; or is it love? I can't remember, it's killing me...

I'm gasping frantically. My lungs are still trying to find what they're looking for. Here these words let me breathe, but they won't ever leave, I'm still forced into lies and pretending.

What I'm trying to say, I -... Am being strangled, and Love... Is what is killing me. You... Are all I think about, and these Three Words are all I need to say, yet I still can't string them together. So I'm saying this instead: I'm being strangled. I can only hope you know what it means.

Share with me, a poem?

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear the sun set,
the moon rise,
the rhythmic pattern
as the butterfly flies,

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear your heart shatter,
your eyes open,
your smile break
that there sad expression,

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear the leaf fall,
the seedlings grow,
the bright, warm sun-
shine melt away the snow,

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear your thoughts made known,
your frustration shown,
your bottled up anger
as you let it go,

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear your breath take,
your senses rise,
the feelings that you're feeling
when you close your eyes,

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear the shadows grow,
the clock tick midnight,
the scary stories as they come to life,

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear that awkward encounter
with your secret crush...
No one said a word,
you just smiled and left.

I want to hear a poem.
I want to hear your magical words,
as they part their way
into my soul -
to patch my mending heart,

I just want to hear a poem...
Would you share with me, a poem?

               -HITTT

Never Forgotten You -

I’ve forgotten the answers to your questions.

and I’ve forgotten the feelings that you used to stir.

I’ve forgotten the stories that I wanted to tell you,

and that's what grieves me all the more.

I’ve forgotten to care about other people.

I’ve forgotten to care about what I do

I’ve forgotten to care about what they think,

But I’ve never forgotten you, just me.

I’ve forgotten how to cry, when I am supposed to.

I’ve forgotten how to laugh as well.

I’ve forgotten how to feel emotions.

But I remember how you’ve made me feel.

I’ve forgotten that the sky was blue,

and that the grass is greener in the summer

and I’ve forgotten; how the trees used to bloom,

and how I’d play all day in their petals.

I’ve forgotten lots of things…

But I’ve never forgotten you.

I’ve never forgotten how you used to smile,

or how I used to make you laugh.

But I’ve forgotten how I used to dance,

and how you loved me all the more, for that.

I remember how you’d forget your jacket,

as an excuse just to cuddle up,

but I’ve forgotten how the cold used to feel,

when you stole it on our winter walks.

I’ve forgotten lots of things…

But I’ve never forgotten you.

I’ve forgotten how to be myself again;

You took that away, when you left.

and I’ve forgotten how to pray to God again,

but I’ve never forgotten Him.

I’ve forgotten how to make a joke, again.

my laugh dies away in the silence.

but I remember how I didn’t care -

that I should be embarrassed by it.

But I’ve never forgotten you, just me.

You took the wrong personality.

You packed mine in your suit, when you walked away,

leaving yours to fill my empty body.

And it doesn’t fit. 

You don’t fit inside me like this, only beside me - I can’t live like this -

and it’s not me I miss, it’s YOU.

Because you’re the only one of us I can remember enough to love.

L-O-V-E

The only feeling that still seems to haunt me.

Come back, please!

I’ve forgotten a lot of things,

but I’ve never forgotten this need.

I’ve never forgotten you, or this crazy feeling

I just need you to bring back, ME.

…

I just need you to bring back, me.

                                      -HITTT

The Thrift Shop T-Shirt:

Many hands have sewn me together, and now I am for sale.
I remember the first time I was shipped away
and then put on the shelf, I thought there I'd stay,
but the boy who found me, put me on and said,
"Mommy! Mommy! I want this one!"
So my newest memory then was being bought,
by a mother and child for six, ten, flat.
The little boy wore me every day for a week.
I was worried, 'cause he SMELLED! And my stomach is weak.
and I remember hiding in the back of the closet -
hoping he would pick somebody else, but he still found me - da**it!
Though as the months grew on, I learned to love my boy,
until the day he grew older, and had to throw me away.
Many hands have sewn me together, and now I am for sale;
at the nearest thrift shop to this boy's home - wishing he would put me back on.
and so I remember now as I was shipped away,
and then put on the rack, and I think here I'll stay
until a boy who finds me, puts me on and says,
"Mommy, mommy.... Can I have this one?"

To Remind Myself

I love the journey.

This is what's written on my arm; tattooed into my heart, to remind myself: what is important?

I love the journey.

This I tell myself each morning, this I read each afternoon, to remind myself: what is important?

I love the journey.

And though this isn't true today, it will be true tomorrow, it's to remind myself: what is important?

"I love the journey."

Wishing Us Well

There's been a question on my mind for a while now, and it has a lot to do with how I've been feeling... Because I really think I know, but I'm young and immature, I've had a question in my mind for a while now.

I have broken heart - that used to be frozen, I wouldn't let anything make its way inside it. I was tired of feeling, as my heart - kept beating, in spite of everything that tried to break it further.

Then there was the day - when I first saw you dancing, I remember: I couldn't take my eyes off of you. Because I saw it in your eyes, the joy that you devised, - I needed you to teach me how to feel that too. 

It took me half a year to get you to notice me, and another half - till you would spend time with me, yet we became to be great friends, best, and then lovers since, and it's not anything that I've ever felt before.

There's been a question on my mind for a while now, and it has a lot to do with how I've been feeling... With you there's more than just a kiss, I can't explain it -, You've given me everything that I've ever needed.

So is this here love? - Or another teenage crush? I've had this question on my mind for a while now, but only time will tell, I can only hope it well, I've been looking for this answer for a while now.

Are You Ready Too?

        We've both been hiding behind our words, our actions, for as long as I can remember... I'm ready to open up; no more lies, no more secrets, no more altering our thoughts, our oppinions, our words, in our pathetic attempts to make each other just a little bit happier. Simply pure, blunt, beautiful honesty. I'm ready to no longer edit my thoughts; you will hear the bitter-sweet taste of trust that you so desire - because we've been hiding behind our words, our fear, for too long now. And I've never done this before, but I'm willing to let you into my unguarded, my unprotected heart. 

        You now have the power to break me; because I'm ready to trust you.

        Are you ready to trust me too?

This Is For You

I was nine when you died.

I - I didn't understand.

And on that August morning in 2005,

screaming and crying, I called 911:

but you left me, you were gone.

And at first I was mad, but as I fell to my knees, I felt your arms around me.

You helped me stand tall, and told me I could be anything I wanted to be!

So I learned how to fly!

I want to be just like YOU.

But I need your help.

I need you to help me be not just great, but good too.

I love you daddy:

I know you died so that you could always be here for me - right by my side, exactly where I'm going to need you more than ever now.

Thank you.

This is for you.

Simply a Smile

"Hey, do you remember last year when you said I was awesome? I just wanted to say thanks. I think you saved my life."

                                      --HITTT

I wish I was made of glass

I want you to see me for who I really am.
Not for how I try to make you see me as.
I want you to see right through me;
As if my chest was made of glass, and acted as my translator,
I want you to see me for who I really am.

                                        --HITTT

Remember Last Night? I Remember What Was Running Through My Head...

I asked you if you minded,
you told me that you wanted to.
I asked you if you wanted me.

You glanced away from my gaze,
But nodded your head smiling
I wondered if you meant what you said.

Is that a yes that you want me?
Or a yes 'cause you can't say no?
Is that a yes because you're scared
the truth will leave you alone?

Don't lie to my face;
You'll hurt me anyway,
So I say -

I'd rather you tell me the truth,
than have you spare me tears to come.
I'd rather know how you really feel

I want to know why you kiss me
I want to know what you still think
I want to know why your really here

Because I asked you if you minded,
you told me that you wanted to.
I asked you if you wanted me.

You still tell me you love me
But I just think that you're scared
the truth will let me walk away.

Is that a yes because you think
that's what I want to hear?
Or a yes because you're scared
and that's what you want to hear?

I see it in your face;
The conflicts that you've raised,
So you say -

You asked me why I am so cold
I answered that I am afraid
I'm frustrated that I never know.

You asked me why I hold back
I told you that I'm just "like that."
I'm scared because I never know

I never know what you really mean
when you include me into your feelings
it's just something that's unfamiliar
I need to know.

I need to know what you really mean
when you say to me, "Please don't ever leave
It's just something that's unfamiliar.
I'm not used to those words.

Is that a yes that you want me?
Or a yes 'cause you can't say no?
Is that a yes because you're scared
the truth will leave you alone?

Is that a yes because you think
that's what I want to hear?
Or a yes because you're scared
and that's what you want to hear?

Is that a yes that you want me?
Or a yes 'cause you can't say no?
Is that a yes because you're scared
the truth will leave you alone?

Just in Case You Haven't Noticed

I lied to you.

I'm sorry.

But there has to be another way,

I'M NOT OK!

I haven't worked this hard just to leave you.

I haven't worked this hard just to walk away!

I'M STILL HERE!

just in case you haven't noticed,

I'M STILL HERE.

Just in case you've forgotten

that I've always come back for you

I tried to go.

I tried to leave,

to forget you.

I tried to fall for someone else;

It was no use!

And I don't understand why you're so afraid

that I'll walk away, like the others did.

I'M STILL HERE!

Just like I said I would be from the very beginning.

And I've had plenty of reason to leave you.

But instead I'm standing right here if front of you.

I'M STILL HERE.

And I don't know why it's so hard to understand

that I don't ever plan on walking away;

so no matter what you say, or what you do,

I'll always be here for you.

I'M STILL HERE --

-- Listen to me: I'm still here.

                         -HowITellTheTruth

Come close, let me whisper a secret...YOU'RE A JERK!!!

It's Not About the Money-

You don't know how much something costs

until you take the time

wiping off the sweat you make

to earn that one thousand dollars

for that brand new guitar.

for a guitar that you put

whole heart and soul into

A guitar that you make a promise to

that you'll never let anything happen to,

that you'll take care of her.

And she promises to always be there for you

to help carry you through every moment of pain

too unbearable to even stand up straight.

to help guide you through every moment of frustration and anger

too clouded and black to see ahead.

She has always been my shoulder to cry on

when i was so alone there wasn't a single soul there

to swim with me through my pool of tears

No, to me it's not about the money spent.

or the time traded.

It's about the love entrusted in a friend

who will always be there for me.

I know you can't comprehend the bond we carry - No one can

and I put it into terms which I'm starting to realize;

You don't fully understand -

"Do you know how much that costs?"

So I'll give you a hint…

It's not about the money.

A Simple Love Story

Just a Song I Wrote-

        by: HowITellTheTruth

I want to tell you you hurt me

but I don't know what to say

I want to tell you I can't breath

but I don't have any way

So here goes nothing, laying it all out there

this is my attempt, to say what I can't share

and I need you to understand what's expressed here

in a song I wrote, when my heart was broke

in this song I wrote, when my heart was broke

I want to tell you I'm not free

like you said I would be

I want to say you complete me

but you wouldn't believe!

So darling, here goes nothing, laying it all out here

In a song I wrote to express how I feel

and I need you understand, how I need you near--

through a song I wrote, when my heart was broke

through this song I wrote, when my heart was broke

First off,

I'd like to get off my chest 'bout how you drive me up the wall!

you drive me absolutely crazy! I'm trying to understand how.

You're a nascar explosion going on in my brain -

you're like that song about that I-pod that keeps hitting replay

Seriously, it's like "what do I say?" do I speak up now? or wait till after ballet?

every day, it seems, I'm like "Hey can you hang"

but you never got time, you're always doing your own thing

and I don't really know how to put it all out there,

or if you figured it out and you just really don't like it

but I would like to imagine that I'm not alone

because my timing's always wrong, and my head's a little slow :(

And I'm doing my best to get my feeling's expressed

as I know i'm not perfect, you'll be the judge if I'm worth it.

I'm just trying to understand the feelings between us

Please, just the truth no more lies, I think the rest is implied... 

And so I say--

Here goes nothing, laying it all out there

this is my attempt, to say what I can't share

and I need you to understand what's expressed here

in a song I wrote, when my heart was broke

in this song I wrote, when this heart was broke

Grown ups expect too much

The caterpiler crosed the windo sill.
I staird at it, keeping hands at bayy.
A grate feet for me, but I get no aplod.

Amazing Liars

Let Me Explain...


Hey don't worry baby, I'm in love with you,
Just like the first time our love was "unofficially brewed".
Don't listen to their stories... LISTEN TO ME!
I'm just a boy who's a little confused; let me explain - please!

Girl you're not thinking straight
Keep your eyes on me
Please don't look away
I need you to believe
Love, you've been lied to
Though it's not what you think
How could I be deceiving,
To the girl who rescued me!

What stories did he sell to the girl I used to know?
The one who kissed me on the cheek when I gave her candy I "found"?
The only kid who laughed at the times I chose to put on a "show"?
The only one who ever had my back out on the playground!

And I'm not denying that you've been lied to.
That someone you trust has been twisting the truth.
I only challenge that you look into my eyes, as I look into yours,
And find the-deception that's been "hiding in my soul for years."

        Because you won't find it.
        And you know that too.
        But that's not the reason for your down cast eyes
        Honestly, I think you're scared of what you think you might find

Girl you're not thinking straight
Keep your eyes on me
Please don't look away
I need you to believe
Love, you've been lied to
Though it's not what you think
How could I be deceiving,
To the girl who rescued me!

So I say, "Don't worry baby, I'm in love with you,
And I have been since the first time I ever met you.
Please, don't ask me to leave, I need you.
Listen to me; I would never deceive you!"

Please, don't ask me to leave, I need you!
Listen to me...
I wouldn't lie to you!

"Enter with me, into this new World..."

"Enter with me, into this new World; this World of misfortune and misery." -
HowITellTheTruth


        Enter with me, into this new World. One so often misused and forgotten, that it has twisted into something... unrecognizable. This World of misfortune and misery, as so commonly it is referred. A place to where many retreat, from where some get lost, and somewhere few sincerely understand. A place of Lost Souls. A world of Broken Emotions. A planet, so set on its mission to save everybody else that it's forgotten to take care of itself; so... slowly... it breaks down... This World's once majestic mountains now lay to rubble in the dried up streams that fill each empty well with the putrid air of neglect. Where a lake is born from the salty tears of these many Confused, who inhabit this land of grief. A Planet of emotions that have never been shared; so they find their way to this new World. This Forgotten World. This Misguided World. Lost Emotions, who build the shallow, broken homes of the Broken Hearted who live here. Please... Travel with me into this Beautiful World, because here is where Humanity is.

        I ask of you to walk with me; into a Land of beauty and honesty. See with me where humanity has been lost. Leave with me; for your habit of man is boring and habitual. It lacks emotion, art, ingenuity; instead relying on fact, law, science. I once asked you the difference between man and human. You told me they are the same; well I'm here now to prove you wrong. If you would only break the patterns of habit, so ingrained in you. You're too predictable. Too much the same. You're a robot. You're all robots; programmed the same: to answer each question with an answer, each problem with a solution, each project with perfection, you're BORING ME!... But I can fix you. I can trade your wires for blood, and your core processing chip for a heart. And you need to follow, with me, into this new World of which you're Unfamiliar. A World which might Scare you. But a World whom will Teach you. A World whom will show you the difference. Allow you to be Human again; to be Beautiful again...       Because in this World is the difference between Man, and Human.

... You'll just have to understand...

"I'm the most honest person you'll ever meet. You'll just have to understand how I tell the truth." - HowITellTheTruth

Hi, So I'm hoping by now, you're wondering who I am. For now you can call me X, but names aren't important. At least, not as important as your heart. Something about me is: I'm known for answering a lot of questions with a few riddles. You'll become familiar with some of my motto's and quotes as this year flies by:) I'm excited to start writing! And I can't wait to start reading everybody's 'heart'.